Bourbon and Babies
by LilyGhost
Summary: Stephanie seeks a little liquid-solace before Ranger tracks her down.


**Everybody and anything familiar still belongs to Janet. The mistakes are mine alone.**

"Put the booze down, Babe."

"Why? If _any_ time is the right time to drink, it's _now_."

"You know you and _wine_ don't mix well, never mind something like bourbon," he said, sitting down across from me and moving the glass away from my hand.

"I'm sure we can play nice for a little while," I told him.

"Why are you _here_ instead of in our apartment?"

"I wanted to get myself and my crap together before I subjected you to either one."

"We're in this together," Ranger reminded me. "Whatever the results were, we would handle it. Which is why I took the afternoon off so I could be with you. I didn't foresee a dispute between Hector and the police."

"Hector wins anything he's challenging," I said, since there is no alternative in my mind.

There's no fight or discussion Hector hasn't kicked butt on.

"The matter, the client, and Hector have all been settled."

This isn't the best place to have any kind of meaningful conversation, but it looks like I'm not going to get to pick the location for this one. I _shouldn't ..._ since I am the one who bolted from the doctor's office straight to Chevy's. When I walked in a few minutes ago, I shook my head when asked if I wanted my usual gallon-sized margarita. I needed something stronger today.

"I just managed to convince myself that I could do this," I began, "that I could carry a little person around in me and be an okay mom to him or her when they came out. And big surprise, once again I'm the 'irregular' sister and just really late, _not_ pregnant."

"You sound upset about that for a woman who claimed she didn't want kids."

" _Of course_ I'm upset. 'Stephanie the screw-up' screwed up again."

"You are in no way a screw-up."

"Maybe not, but still ... Kloughn just looks at Valerie and the pee stick is positive the next day. It seems the only time you and I aren't naked and attached to each other is when we're working ... and the doctor says ' _Sorry_ ' instead of ' _Congratulations_ '."

He took my hands in his so I wouldn't rub a hole through my palm with the opposite thumb. "Did you _want_ to hear 'Congratulations'?"

"I'm not sure. I thought I'd be relieved, but I just feel pissed off."

"Why do you think that is?" He asked, being the understanding man I love rather than calling me a crazy person which is what I currently feel like.

"Since I wasn't risking anyone seeing me buy a test, on the way to my appointment I was telling myself that I'd do everything right," I tried to explain to him. "I'd do the opposite of what my parents did with me. My baby would be the happiest, most-loved one. I got so wrapped up in the alternate reality, I was already picturing how your face wouldn't appear shocked, but your eyes would crinkle at the corners when I shared the news that I had a little you in me. I was imagining how freaked-out, and then how freakin' happy, the guys would be just at the thought of a teeny troublemaker crawling past their boots in the control room."

"Steph, breathe."

" _Damn it! I actually wanted this!_ " I said, my eyes starting to sting at everything that won't be happening now. "I really wanted to prove to myself, to my mom, _to you_ most of all, that I could do this. Why did I have to fuck up again?"

" _You haven't,_ and _you didn't_ , fuck anything up. Children are a much larger commitment than getting married and we haven't gotten around to doing that yet."

"I know, but I thought the decision had been taken out of our hands and everything would just fall into place afterwards. Now what?"

" _Now_ we do what we've always done. We continue to love each other and live our lives together. If you get pregnant or you don't, it won't change that."

I reached out to get my glass back, but having reflexes like a rattler, Ranger blocked me. Had he let me get in more than a sip of my drink, I might be calmer now. I'd been mostly okay about either test result until I started imagining what a little boy or girl would look like with my nose, Ranger's dark eyes, using a cute little voice to ask for Sunday morning doughnuts in Spanish. I hadn't let myself dwell on the downside, like the possibility of our child getting saddled with my erratic temperament instead of their dad's calm one.

"Steph, talk to me."

"I'm trying, but I'm still figuring out why I care so much. You're right. I told everyone I could that I'm not sure I want kids and probably won't be having any. And now ... I'm upset that I won't be expanding beyond the occasional carb-bloat."

"That's understandable."

"Is it? Can you explain it to me then? Because none of this is making any sense in my brain."

"You're happy with me."

"Yeah ... I am, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Have you considered that you have a life you want to share now, so the idea of starting a family, with _me_ , doesn't seem as scary as it once did?"

"It _isn't_ as terrifying because I know you'll actually be there to love and help us."

"I'll be there no matter what. I'm not leaving you now or at any other time so we have some if you decide you want to purposely get pregnant, instead of us just reacting to a possible 'surprise' pregnancy."

"Are you saying you want a baby with me?"

"I've wanted whatever you can give me. I can handle being your husband, the father of your baby, or both, whenever you decide you can also handle it."

"Shouldn't _you_ get a say in this? This doesn't just affect me, you know."

"I made a decision when I realized I love you. I've adapted ever since. And I will continue to."

"It's good to know that I'm not the only one who needs to work on saying disgustingly romantic crap out loud."

"I'll save that for when you're in labor and need to be distracted."

"You're a funny guy sometimes."

"And you're calming down."

"I am. _Thank you_. I'm not completely convinced I'll ace the mom-thing, but I think I want to be one."

"You are aware that they grow out of that cute, gummy-grin stage and eventually become mouthy teenagers, aren't you?"

"Yes. I was both of those myself, _especially_ the mouthy teenager if you ask my mother ... long after the teen years ended."

"I'm not asking your mother a fucking thing. Her opinion doesn't factor into what we do. You excel at everything you put your mind to, so I'm not concerned about what kind of parent you'll be to any child we have. Have you noticed, that with just one look, you can make Lester and Ramon behave? That takes considerable patience and diligence to master."

"They're a handful, but they are sweet guys and have been really great friends to have."

"If you'd like to be more than a referee for them and an occasional mom to Julie, I'm the man for the job."

"I remember you _did_ offer to get me pregnant a long time ago just before Clyde Cone entered and then exited our lives."

"No one deserved to die more."

"You would've been the man for that job, too, wouldn't you?"

"I would have made it hurt more."

" _We_ were the ones left standing and that's all I care about. That one, along with my many other close calls, should've forced me to see that I shouldn't wait for anything because I might never get a chance to do something I really want to do. So ... maybe we should get married in the _very_ near future and have a baby together ...?"

"Are you asking or suggesting?"

"A little of each."

"I'm open to both ideas."

"I guess I should enjoy _this_ now," I said, trying to reach the bourbon again, "while I can, if we're going to throw birth control to the wind."

He pried my fingers off the glass. "Or we can go back home and I'll let you enjoy me instead."

"You'll _let me_ enjoy you _?_ "

"Yes. I'm unselfish that way. I'll also give you the go-ahead to have your way with me while you're at it."

"No one has ever called you a dick and lived to tell the tale, have they?"

"No. And we both know you like the size of mine ... so, are you ready to leave?"

I sighed. I like _everything_ about him, not just the size of his 'package'. In the beginning, that simple fact pissed me off more than I could say. I didn't want to care about anybody as much as I found myself caring about him, but now I'm grateful for every feeling he wrestles out of me. I reached for his hand even before I stood up. His fingers immediately curled around mine and squeezed.

"We're definitely leaving," I told him. "And I'm glad you came after me."

"Right behind you or beside you is where you'll always find me. Not only are you getting lucky as soon as we hit the seventh floor, _I'm_ feeling lucky. We're going to make a baby at some point tonight."

As much as I'm scared of the changes that would mean to - and for - us, I found myself smiling at the thought. Not only has Ranger shown me that I can love him completely, he's trusting that I still have so much more of it to give.


End file.
